Joshua Kronengold (mneme) wrote,
Joshua Kronengold

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On humor. And jokes

So, something you might not know about me. I don't actually know a lot of jokes.

I mean, I know a few. But mostly, if you tell me a joke, I'll probably try to make one up to follow you. And...I'm not awful at it. Usually.

Which partially explains this chatlog between me and [personal profile] batshua. Note that every joke I tell except the ones specifically marked I made up on the spot.

Me: Heh. The Renquist jokes was LOL funny.
Batshua: Is Rick rolling an anti-joke?
Me: It's a running gag. But how funny it is depends on delivery.
Batshua: Okay, what’s a funny delivery vs just linking to a Rick Astley video?
Wait, does South Park’s killing Kenny constitute a running gag?
Me: Yes, of course it is. Repetition -can- be a humor element.
Batshua: But it’s not funny!
Me: One of the most important, really -- humor is all about predictability and defied/kept expectations.
Batshua: Or is the humor in the fact that he KEEPS dying?
Me: It's not -always- funny. Sometimes the deaths are funny. Sometimes not. But you can't keep things identical and have it be iteresting. Except, of course, when the humor is in the expectation (not fulfilled) of change.
Batshua: I literally can’t think of other examples of running gags
Me: What's the most important thing in humor?
Batshua: I mean, I understand it’s /intended/ to be funny

Me: NO, you waited way to long. Try again.
That is also a running gag (and a great sketch).

Batshua: What?
Interrupting cow?

Me: The timing sketch.
Interrupting cow may also be a running gag.

Batshua: It’s literally just two lines!
How can it be a running gag?

Me: It depends on how often it's delivered, no?

Me: (picture of cow with lacy, waving hair)
Batshua: Hahaha
Sexy cow
That’s confusing

Me: Sexy interrrupting cow.

Batshua: That was terrible
But I laughed

Me: Also, not all humor involves a laugh, although plenty does.
Batshua: Monty Python doesn’t generally work for me
Me: I marathoned a -lot- of MP in the late 80s when there were several days of MP marathoning on PBS. Some of it works for me. Some of it gets old quick, particularly if you've just watched 6 hours of MP.
John Cleese shouts too much.
I remember what works more than what doesn't, of course.
Ministry of silly walks works.

Batshua: Silly walks as well as the dead parrot
Also the Spanish Inquisition
As far as I can remember those are the only ones I actually like
Oh and the lumberjack
Me: I think there was a good one with a cat? And maybe a ninja?
Crunchy frog was disgusting, but memorable.

Batshua: I don’t know either of those
Me: What about the deadly joke? Or the dangerous phrasebook?
Batshua: Nope
Hungarian Phrase Book - Monty Python's The Flying Circus
Subscribe to the Official Monty Python Channel here - Hungarian Phrase Book, taken from The Flying Circus. Visit the off...
Batshua: Okay so this really isn’t Rick Astley, right?
Me: NO
It is an actual monty python sketch.

this is very much like “I want to feed your fingertips to the wolverines”
Me: HEH. You must never have seen that sketch. Because it's kinda hard to forget.
Batshua: I’d never seen it.

Batshua: [Note: This site server errors a lot, but if you keep reloading it will eventually load]
A Collection Of Dad Jokes You Already Heard Like a Thousand Times
Everyone knows that dad jokes are the worst right? It's not that they're so un-funny, it's basically because you heard them so manny times they kind of lost
Joke: "I've got some kind of allergic reaction going aon and my face is breaking out a bad rash and my mom is freaking out--wants to take me to the ER and my dad was like "let's not make any rash decisions" and we high fived and now my mom is yelling at us.
Me: LOL. That joke is great.
Batshua: It's going to get worse.
I'm just pasting dad jokes for a bit

Me: I only got the second joke in the "10 jokes", which was also funny.
Batshua: Yeah I pasted a specific one.
Me: Ok, the collection was terrible.
I mean, there were a few slight chuckles there, but still.
Dad jokes are wonderful because they are terrible
My favorite one is in Spanish
"Que hace el pez?"

Me: What does it mean?
Batshua: What does the fish do?
... Ready for the punchline?

Me: Sure.
Batshua: Nada.
Which means, both "he swims" and "nothing".

Me: Heh.
I liked common tater.
Joke: "From Megan Bailey

King and Queen potato were discussing suitors for their daughter, Princess potato. Princess potato comes to them and says, “mum, dad, I’ve found someone and I’m in love!” The King and Queen were surprised but excited. “Who is it, daughter?” asked Queen potato. “Dennis Cometti,” she gushed. “Dennis Cometti?” King potato, sniffed derisively. ‘But he’s just a commentator!”

Batshua: I like that it means two things at once, and they're both true.
Me: And the stick joke is classic.
There are two jokes that always make me laugh
"what's brown and sticky" "a stick"
and "a man walks into a bar and says ow"

Me: You know the other stick jokes, right?

Batshua: Uh, no?

Me: What kind of car does a dryad drive?

Batshua: A stick-shift?

Me: Close enough. (the intended answer is "A stick!") [NOTE: This is not a joke I made up. [profile] seananmcguire made this one up.

Batshua: D'oh!
That is rather better.

Me: What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? (note: I didn't make up this one either; I think it was [profile] meravhoffman
Batshua: That;s definitely a stick

Me: Yes, it is.
Me: So, speaking of stick jokes, what's the thing Spider-man uses to take selfies?
Batshua: A ... spiderselfiestick?
A self-sticking selfiestick?
A, stick?
Me: A stick's the intended reply, but it's actually a spidercam.
Batshua: PFFT
Spidercam, spidercam
Merav: (not actually in this conversation): How about a web-cam?)
Batshua: Do you know any good black & white jokes?
Me: The original, of course. And the horrible one.
Batshua: Uh, the horrible one?
Me: The one that's also a classic?
Batshua: Okay, a newspaper
also ... a zebra that got into some red paint?
Me: THat's the primary classic, yes.
Oh, I don't know that one.
Batshua: oh, an EMBARRASSED zebra is apparently also a good answer
Me: The horrible one is "What's black and white and red and green?" [obviously I didn't make this one up</i>]
Batshua: Uh?
I was gonna say frog in a blender
Me: Yes.
Batshua: but that's not black and white
Me: But I've forgotten the setup.
Batshua: "a penguin with a rash, "a chocolate sundae with ketchup on top", and "a crossword done in red ink (wikipedia)
Me: So, what's black and white and also a little red?

Batshua: ( <-- "elephant jokes were a fad in the 1960s"?!
Elephant joke - Wikipedia
An elephant joke is a joke, almost always an absurd riddle or conundrum and often a sequence of such, that involves an elephant. Elephant jokes were a fad in the 1960s, with many people constructing large numbers of them according to a set formula. Sometimes they involve parodies or puns.[1][2][3]

Me: A newspaper. Now.

Batshua: OUCH
Q: What is black and white and red all over?
A: An elephant dressed as a nun suffering from sunburn.

Me: I think I'll keep the second newspaper one; it's pointed, but remarkably accurate. Also, the original joke is aging fast.

But true.

Me: What's black and white and blue through and through?
Batshua: Uh?
Me: A zebra baloon.
But what's black and white and blue up top?
Batshua: ?
Me: A zebra on a bomb.
Batshua: Boo.
Do we know any dead baby jokes?

Me: So what's silver and sable on top of azure?
Ug. I've mostly tried to avoid them?
[Me as Editor: I also try to avoid dead baby jokes]

Batshua: Uh, a heraldic zebra?
I don't want to TELL them

Me: Nah. Heraldic orca.

Batshua: I just want to KNOW them
Orcas aren't a heraldic creature!
... Then again, neither are zebras.

Me: They are now. And it still works.
I didn't give a pose, because I don't know what poses you use for orcas in modern heraldry.

Batshua: Really?!
I guess it's ... rampant?
I really like rampant anyway
it makes it sound like a dangerous animal

[Post-facto note: I think heraldic whales take fish poses. The more you know]

Batshua: How do you wake up Lady Gaga?
- Poker Face
- How does Lady Gaga like her steak?
- Raw raw... raw raw raw raw

Me: Ug

Batshua: I know, terrible.
Q: What's orange, has two humps, and lives at the south pole?
A: A lost camel.

Me: What's confusing about Amanda Palmer's gender?
Batshua: I dunno

Me: Her husband is gay man. (gaiman).
Oh! The final joke in the interrupting cow/interrupting duck sequence should be this:

Who's there?
Interrupting starfish.
Interrupting starf...
[you quickly cover their face with your hand- the "starfish"].

Me: Are you sure?

Knock knock?
Who's there?
Interupting Raven.

Me: COW.
Batshua: What?!
Me: Well, CAOW. 😛
Batshua: BOO
That sucks.
You're terrible
What's black and white and red all over?
Me: Hehehe.
Me: What's black and white white and red only where it's funny?
Batshua: I dunno
Me: Roger Rabbit in the '40s.
Batshua: Why... OH
Me: I started with a Jessica Rabbit joke, but the RR one was easier and probably less dirty.
I'm not sure the JR one goes anywhere.
Batshua: She's not bad, she's just drawn that way.
Me: Hmm. Who's black and white but drawn very, very red?
Batshua: Uh, dunno
Me: Jessica Rabbit in the 40s, of course.
Now, what's black and white, but when drawn there's a lot of red?
Batshua: I dunno
Me: A nun being drawn and quartered.
Batshua: OOF
Me: Ideally, there would be a common frame of reference so I could specify a crime that would lead there, but there isn't.
Which was why I needed to repeat "drawn" to make the joke work.
Batshua: Why do ducks have webbed feet?
To put out forest fires.

Why do elephants have big, round feet?
To put out flaming ducks.
Me: hehehe. Why do blue whales have giant bodies and live in water?
Batshua: Uh, dunno?
Because they won't fit in houses?
Me: Nah, so they can land on flaming elephants.
Batshua: OH
Q: How many legs does an elephant have?
A: Four, two in the front, two in the back.
Well, it made me laugh, but I don't think it's funny.

Me: Well, it's funny because it's not funny and you're expecting a joke.
Same category as the chicken and the road?
A jew, a pagan, a woman, a man, a protestor and a politician lived in a house. Exactly one person moved out and nobody moved in. How many people live there now?

Batshua: One?

Me: None!
Batshua: WHAT?!

Me: What? They're all the same person.
Batshua: I could get behind it except a woman AND a man?
Me: I didn't say how long they lived in the house.
And also, I'm not going to police someone else's gender identity.
Batshua: Now THAT is funny.
Batshua: That was AMAZING.
What happens when a pirate's ship wrecks?
He takes the carrrrrrrr.

Why are pirate jokes so bad?
They just arrrrrrrrrr.
Me: Why are the pirate snakes sad?
Batshua: I dunno, why?
Me: They really liked Rrradio sssssssShack.
Batshua: AWW
Two fish in a tank. One says to the other 'How do you start this thing?'.

Lorry load of tortoises crashes into a lorry load of terrapins. Turtle disaster.

Tanker full of red paint crashes into a tanker full of purple paint. Both crews totally marooned.

Me: oooh. I like that one.
I don't like the turtle one. Punchline is good, but setup doesn't work.
A load of logos from different companies is travelling along the highway when it's hit by a load of terrapins! It was a turtle disaster.
Do you have the background to get that one?
Batshua: Bwuh?
Batshua: Ah.
"Knock Knock."
"Who's there?"
"To who?"
"To whom."
Me: Ah, grammar jokes.
A: Knock Knock
B: Who's There?
A: No, What's here. Who's in the car?
B: What car?
A: No, What -here-.
B: Who can't hear?
A: Who can't hear.
B: Hear what?
A: Well, yes and no.

Batshua: BOO
Batshua: Who's the patron saint of email?

St Francis of a cc
Two silk worms were in a race.

It ended in a tie.
Me: Why do silkworms hate black silk clothing?
Batshua: I dunno?
Me: You have to die(/dye) for it.
Batshua: BOO
Batshua: What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye deer.

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no eye deer.

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, and no genitalia?
Still no fucking eye deer.
Me: Heh. Which jokes did you make up here, if any?
Batshua: Uh, none.
Me: Ok, just checking. I knew most of them were reused, but wasn't sure about all. Most of mine were made up, becuase...I kinda am.
Batshua: You're made up?
Me: No, not until my date tonight.

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Tags: chatlog, humor, jokes, writing
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